Freedom Liberty Irán Persia 2026

Iran demands the sun, the moon, and even tolls on the Strait of Hormuz to “end the war”!

Our sarcastic response (with a touch of common sense)

Dear readers, here’s the article I wrote in a humorous but sharp tone:

 we acknowledge that they’re demanding “millions of things in exchange for nothing,” we list their real demands (based on their own statements from March–April 2026), and then we say “yes” with a counter-condition that really stings because of how logical it is.

 “We’ll end the war… if you give us EVERYTHING else”

The umpteenth list of demands asking for the entire universe in exchange for stopping the fight (and our humorous response with a condition that actually hurts)

The Iranian regime has “the will” for peace… as long as sanctions are lifted, massive reparations are paid, its control over the Strait of Hormuz is recognized, its nuclear program is left untouched, and, by the way, it’s guaranteed that no one will ever bother it again. Okay, regime. We’ll give you everything. But in exchange… we want something small.

Friends, we’ve already lost count of how many times President Masoud Pezeshkian, Foreign Minister Araghchi, or the regime’s spokespeople have come out saying that Iran “has the necessary will to put an end to the war”… provided that its essential conditions are met.

From their point of view, they are the eternal victims of an unjust aggression. From any other point of view that doesn’t live in Tehran, their requests sound like:

“Illogical, immoral, impossible, and intangible. They’re asking for millions of things in exchange for literally nothing.”

But,

 alright, let’s play their game. Here is the official list of demands Iran has put on the table in recent weeks (compiled from their own communiqués, interviews, and the famous “10-point plan” they sent via Pakistan):

The list of what Iran is asking for to “end the war” (unedited regime version):

Total and immediate cessation of any “aggression” against Iran and its “resistance groups” (read: Hezbollah, the Houthis, and company on all fronts, including Lebanon).

Concrete and irreversible guarantees that no one will ever attack them again (with “verifiable” mechanisms, of course).

Guaranteed payment of reparations for all material, moral, and economic damages of the war (in other words: let the US and Israel foot the bill).

An end to the war on ALL fronts in the region, with no exceptions.

Full recognition of Iranian sovereignty over the Strait of Hormuz (and, as a bonus, the right to charge tolls on ships passing through).

TOTAL lifting of all sanctions (primary, secondary, whatever they are).

Recognition of Iran’s right to enrich uranium without limits or annoying supervision.

Complete withdrawal of all US forces from the Gulf and the region.

Elimination of all UN and IAEA resolutions against Iran.

Not touching a single missile from its ballistic program (don’t even think about mentioning it at the table).

In short: they want their money back, the fines removed, control of the world’s oil tap left in their hands, recognition of their right to have a nuclear bomb in the back door, and, on top of that, a guarantee that no one will lay a finger on them. All that in exchange for… stopping firing missiles and using proxies. How generous!

Our counter-offer

 (with a sarcastic smile included)

Okay, Iranian regime.

We’ll give you EVERYTHING you’re asking for. Yes, everything.

We lift the sanctions.

We pay the reparations.

We leave you Hormuz with tolls included.

We recognize all the uranium you want.

We withdraw the troops.

We sign eternal guarantees.

We’ll even throw in a “Victim of the Month” certificate signed by the UN.

But, 

in exchange… 

we only ask for two tiny little things, almost symbolic:

Free, transparent elections supervised internationally in the Islamic Republic of Iran.

Immediate dissolution of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) as a parallel armed body and its integration (or disappearance) under civilian control.

That’s all. See? We’re not asking for the sun and the moon. We’re simply asking the regime to show, for once in 47 years, that it puts its country, its nation, its peoples, and its languages (Persians, Azerbaijanis, Kurds, Baluchis, Arabs…) ahead of the “eternal power penance” of an almost tyrannical nest that has clung to the throne for half a century.Would they do it?

Would they be willing to let ordinary Iranians decide their future in real ballots?

Or would they continue to prefer the paradise of the ayatollahs and the generals of the Guard over the dignity and freedom of 90 million people?

Because if the answer is “no,” then we already know it wasn’t the war they wanted to end…

It was the business of war that they didn’t want to lose.What do you think, reader? Would the regime accept the swap? Or would it prefer to keep demanding the entire universe rather than give its own people a voice?

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Mikel de Elguezabal Méndez 

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